Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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