I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
