yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
