We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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