I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
