so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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