dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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