nut hugger
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
