College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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