ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
