i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
