I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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