you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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