even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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