i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
