The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
