yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
