dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
then he tried to convert me to islam
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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