All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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