I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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