I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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