My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize