Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
