my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
