Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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