he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Welp...herpes.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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