You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
whose parrot is this?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
