you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
