girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
