so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
