i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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