Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize