3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
