And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
i've created a new STD.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize