He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
