I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
