OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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