Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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