I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
