No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm just crazy horny about you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
