so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
