as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
