I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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