: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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