Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and she was petting her beer can
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
