How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
