i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Drunk walkin through police station. America
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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