I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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