and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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