D3 body, D1 cock
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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