I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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