saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
