exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
