I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
