the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
