I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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