Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i think my cat just said my name.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
