I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
