i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
