I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
pray to the hookup gods
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
