oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
