i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
