How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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