everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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