Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
