i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
