I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
