watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
