i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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