If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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