you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
