so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
