I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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