You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
