If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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